When Doors Slam Shut: Handling Rejection and Betrayal, Part 3

Now as much as it pains me to say this – as it is by now quite apparent that I am an enthusiastic advocate of quality bars as social institutions, particularly in the pursuit of flânerie – one thing I would not do when you’re hurting, is to go to your local bar and drown your sorrows in a half dozen or so cocktails, crying on the shoulder of your favorite bartender.

The quintessential bar song. Written by Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer in 1943. Sung here by Tamela D'Amico.

I can tell you firsthand that I have done this – and it has never really ended well. First of all, even though your bartender (or any good bartender, for that matter) may feign concern and sympathy, he really doesn’t want to hear it. He has his own life and problems. The last thing he really needs to hear is some drunk sobbing into a cocktail glass whining about how cruel the world is.

Although the notion does make for a great blues ballad, as Tamela D'Amico demonstrates to the left - although for a truly wonderful version, check-out the one done by Vanessa Rubin from her album, Girl Talk. (Thank you to Johnny Mercer, Ms. Tamela, and my favorite contemporary jazz vocalist,  Ms. Vanessa.)

But perhaps more importantly, the consumption of alcohol does not ameliorate the effects of the melancholy. In fact, if you’re drinking by yourself, it only makes it worse. So if you’re sad when you walk into the bar, you’ll no doubt be about ready to kill yourself by the time you have to leave (especially after you get the bar tab).
 
I truly believe the best bet is to follow the points summarized in Part 2, to pray (yes, that's right, pray), and to just keep moving forward in terms of continued constructive Social Interaction. And that would be my best (and really only) advice to anyone, when the doors of friendship and love slam shut. You really have very little, if any, control over the feelings or perceptions of others. When you're rejected or betrayed by someone dear, it goes to the very core of your self-worth. It can cripple you if you let it. I get that. But you really need to suck it up and keep moving on. And that's what this series of postings is intended to help you do.

So let's wrap all of this up in Part 4.
 
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